I want to learn to dance — not shake my booty, but really dance, as in fox trot, cha-cha, even tango.

This desire stems from several years ago when I covered the Van Cliburn International Piano Competition. One of the events involved a formal dinner and dance. The social elite in attendance moved with elegant precision to the sounds of Glenn Miller. My fellow journalists and I shrank into a corner and ordered more drinks.

Next time, I want to bust out some serious moves.

I've been searching the List for dance studios. Here are my choices:

Tippy Toes Dance Studio. Member review: 'I highly recommend this school of dance for preschoolers.'

Dance Expressions. Member review: 'My 4-year-old daughter takes ballet and tap dance lessons there.'

At this point in my search, I start to feel a little creepy.

I scroll down to Stage I Dance Academy. Member review: 'Beverly strongly discourages cliques and gossiping among the girls and their parents.'

Sigh.

Can grown men not learn to dance? Am I condemned to a life of two left feet?

Please, somebody. Help me.

I turn next to the Russian Ballet Academy of Indiana.

Sounds serious and adult. Instructor Alyona Yakovleva certainly is an adult. Wow. She's gorgeous. Alas, Ms. Yakovleva is not only stunningly beautiful but also a serious ballerina and way overqualified for a paunchy middle-aged dude wanting to shuffle to 'Moonlight Serenade'.

Finally, I get to Riolo Dance Studio. Member review: 'My fiance and I are getting married in two days ...' Aha! Adults learning to dance. Sweet. I just might have found the right place.